How to support positive behaviour

This is a starter guide — we will be revisiting and adding to it over time.

The starting point

Behaviour that challenges is communication. Before any strategy, any plan, or any response, the most useful question is not “how do we stop this?” but “what is this child trying to tell us, and what do they need?” That shift — from managing behaviour to understanding it — is where Positive Behaviour Support (PBS) begins.

PBS is not a single technique. It is an evidence-based framework that combines understanding the function of behaviour, addressing the conditions that make it more likely, and responding consistently and calmly when it occurs. It works best when it is whole-setting — agreed by everyone who works with the child, not held by one member of staff.

Check the situation, the skill, and the staffing

Before concluding that a behaviour is a child-level problem, look at three things:

The situation. What is the environment asking of this child? Is the sensory load manageable? Is the transition well-supported? Is the demand matched to where the child actually is developmentally?
The skill. What does the child need to be able to do in order to meet the expectation — and do they have that skill yet? Break the instruction down. “Come and join group time” contains multiple skills. Which are in place, and which are still developing?
The staffing. Does the adult working with this child have the knowledge and strategies they need? Not as a criticism — but an adult cannot apply skills they haven’t yet had the chance to develop.

If several children are struggling with the same moment, transition, or expectation, that is a cohort of need — a signal to adjust the environment or approach, not to write five individual behaviour plans.

Understanding the function of behaviour

Every behaviour serves a purpose for the child. PBS identifies four functions:

Attention	The behaviour gets the child social contact, a response, or connection with an adult or peer.
Escape	The behaviour removes the child from something they find difficult — a demand, a sensory environment, a transition, or an activity beyond their current capacity.
Access	The behaviour gets the child something they want — a preferred object, activity, or person.
Sensory	The behaviour itself feels regulating — it produces or reduces sensory input in a way that the child’s nervous system needs in that moment.

Identifying the function is not about excusing the behaviour — it is about finding the right response to it. A behaviour driven by escape needs a different approach from one driven by attention. Responding to the wrong function rarely works, and can inadvertently reinforce the behaviour you are trying to reduce.

Observation records — noting what happened before, during, and after — are the most reliable way to identify function. A few days of consistent ABCC recording (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence, Communication) usually reveals a pattern.

Proactive and reactive strategies

PBS distinguishes clearly between what you put in place before behaviour occurs (proactive) and what you do when it is happening (reactive). The proactive work is where the real change happens.

Proactive strategies

Before the behaviour occurs. These address the conditions that make behaviour more likely — the antecedents. They are the bigger investment and the bigger return.

Adjust the environment — sensory load, layout, visual supports, transitions
Reduce unnecessary demands, or restructure how they are presented
Build predictability — visual timetables, consistent routines, advance warnings
Ensure the child’s communication needs are genuinely met
Identify and address unmet needs before they escalate

Reactive strategies

During and after the behaviour. These are responses — what adults do when behaviour is already happening. They should be agreed, consistent, and calm.

Use the Three Rs: Regulate, Relate, Reason — in that order
Reduce language and demands immediately
Ensure safety without escalating further
Avoid consequences or reasoning in the moment
Reconnect warmly once calm is restored — before moving on

In the moment — the Three Rs

When a child is dysregulated, Bruce Perry’s Regulate, Relate, Reason sequence gives staff a clear, consistent framework to follow:

1. Regulate	Calm the body first. Before anything else. Reduce stimulation, slow your own pace, say less. Give the child space and time. Cortisol takes up to twenty minutes to clear — the moment a child goes quiet is not the moment reasoning is available.
2. Relate	Make connection. Come alongside the child — calmly, warmly, without pressure. A regulated adult is one of the most powerful co-regulation tools available. Your nervous system helps settle theirs.
3. Reason	Only now — talk, reflect, problem-solve. Once the body is calm and connection is re-established, language and reasoning are available again. This is the moment for a brief, kind conversation — not a lengthy debrief or immediate consequence.

What not to do in the moment

Raise your voice, demand eye contact, explain or reason, issue consequences, or crowd the child. All of these add to the threat load rather than reducing it — and can escalate a situation that was beginning to settle.

Consistency is the strategy

The most carefully designed behaviour approach will not work if it is only applied by one member of staff, or only on some days. Consistency between adults — and between setting and home — is not a nice addition to a behaviour plan. It is the plan.

Agree the approach as a team before implementing it. Everyone who works with the child needs to know what the plan says and what their role is in delivering it.
Share it with families. What works at home and what works at the setting, put together, gives everyone a fuller picture — and consistency between the two environments makes a measurable difference to outcomes.
Date when the plan was shared with room and key staff. A plan sitting in a file is not a plan in use.
Review it regularly. If a behaviour has reduced, that is information. If it hasn’t, that is also information. The review informs the next step.

What the research is clear about

Punishment alone does not teach replacement behaviour. A child who is sanctioned for hitting has not been taught what to do instead. Consequences may suppress behaviour in the short term; they rarely address the underlying need.
Behaviour often gets worse before it gets better. When you change your response to a behaviour, a child may initially escalate — testing whether the previous response returns. This is sometimes called an extinction burst. Hold steady.
The adult’s regulated state is not incidental — it is the intervention. A calm, consistent adult co-regulates a dysregulated child. A stressed or reactive adult makes dysregulation more likely and more intense.
Relationship is the foundation. Children are more likely to respond to redirection and boundaries from adults they trust and feel safe with. Investing in the relationship is investing in behaviour support.

Key points at a glance

Start with the situation, the skill, and the staffing before concluding it is a child-level problem
Identify the function of the behaviour — escape, attention, access, or sensory — before choosing a response
If several children struggle with the same thing, adjust the approach — not the children
Proactive strategies (addressing antecedents) are where most change happens
In a crisis: Regulate, Relate, Reason — in that order, every time
Consistency between all adults is not an add-on — it is the strategy
Share the plan with families, and record when it was shared with all staff
Behaviour may get worse before it gets better — that is normal; hold steady
The regulated adult is the most powerful tool in the room

This guide is one of a series produced by SEND Experts at Hand to help settings and families work with confidence. The family-facing companion to this guide is regulation and positive behaviour. If you would like to discuss support for your setting, get in touch.