A clear, simple guide for families.
Part of the AISK — a free library of practical SEND guides · Read, share and print freely · sendexpertsathand.co.uk/aisk
This is a starter guide — we will be revisiting and adding to it over time.
Before a child fully understands spoken language, the world can feel unpredictable — activities start and stop without warning, and routines can be hard to follow from words alone. Objects of Reference give your child something concrete to hold onto: a physical object that reliably means “this is what’s happening next.” With regular, consistent use, that object becomes a genuine piece of communication your child can rely on, well before — or alongside — spoken words.
An Object of Reference is simply an object used to represent a person, activity, or place. With regular use, your child learns that seeing or holding that object means a specific thing is about to happen — a bit like a physical word.
Most families use Objects of Reference naturally, without realising that’s what they’re called. If you have ever held something up to show your child what’s coming next, you have already started. Here are some common examples:
| The object | What it means | What to say alongside it |
|---|---|---|
| A nappy | Nappy change coming | “Nappy change now” |
| Car keys | Getting in the car | “Car now” |
| A rubber duck | Bathtime | “Bath now” |
| A favourite teddy | Bedtime | “Bedtime now” |
| A cup or beaker | Time for a drink | “Drink now” |
| A coat or shoes | Going outside | “Outside now” |
| A flannel or towel | Washing hands or face | “Wash now” |
Notice how short the language is — two or three words at most. This is intentional. The object does most of the communicating; the words just confirm it. Keep the same words every time.
If your child already seems to anticipate what’s coming when they see one of these objects, that’s the approach working. The next step is simply to use it more deliberately and consistently — always showing the object just before the activity, every time.
Using Objects of Reference more intentionally can help your child to:
Pick an activity that happens often, and that is meaningful and motivating for your child. Then choose an object your child already uses in, or naturally associates with, that activity. Two children might have completely different objects for the same activity — one child who loves the windchime outside might have a windchime as their Object of Reference for “outside”, while another child who is all about football might use a football instead. The object should reflect what is meaningful to your child specifically, not a generic choice.
There are a few different types of Object of Reference, depending on what suits the activity:
A common pitfall
Some families and settings use a coat as the Object of Reference for “outside” — but think about whether you would want your child wearing a coat in the height of summer. It is better to choose something that works all year round, rather than an object tied to one season.
Talk to your child’s school, nursery, or childminder about which Objects of Reference they are using, and make sure the same ones are used consistently at home too. Consistency across every environment is what makes this work.
It is worth jotting down a few activities, events, or people that might work well with an Object of Reference for your child, and what that object would be. The downloadable version of this guide has a blank table you can print and fill in.
Keep Objects of Reference somewhere consistent, so everyone in your child’s life knows where to find them and remembers to use them. A string bag, an apron pocket, or a small zipped bag all work well — the goal is that they are easy to grab and carry with you.
Above all, they need to be genuinely to hand. There is no point in an Object of Reference being locked away in a filing cabinet or an office — if it takes a special trip to fetch it, it won’t get used consistently, and consistency is what makes the whole approach work.
This guide is one of a series produced by SEND Experts at Hand to help families support their child with confidence. For advice tailored to your family, book a 1:1 advice session.
The Academy of Inclusive Skills and Knowledge is a free library of practical SEND guides, written by SEND Experts at Hand for families and the practitioners who work alongside them. No sign-up, nothing to pay.
Also in the AISK for families: plans, meetings and paperwork · starting school and other transitions · communication · regulation and behaviour · sleep · days out, holidays and celebrations · making sense of the SEND system
SEND Experts at Hand offers 1:1 advice sessions for families — assessments, meetings and funding panels, without the jargon. A free introductory telephone consultation is arranged by email.
sendexpertsathand.co.uk/contact
Independent SEND consultancy for education settings and families.
